But - I'm now a two time loser. Marriage number two is done. Blown away by the advent of technology which enables a man who needs constant stroking and attention to get that from any number of women equally starved for attention. His "babygirl" texts melting their hearts and making them feel all squishy inside. All the while, he's dashing these missives off from the comfort of his marriage bed.
Awesome, right? Yeah, well, I somehow failed to define for him that I see this as being unfaithful. Really weird that I'd have to make that distinction, but I suppose when dealing with someone who is deeply affected by Narcissistic Personality Disorder, such rules need to be established. Note to other co-dependent women - get it all in writing. Think of any potential eventuality, right down to GPS tracking and telepathic communication. Protect yourselves.
So I went from one disappointing marriage, to thinking I had found true love, only to be disappointed yet again. My track record sucks. My dad cheated on my mom; turning my world upside down. My first husband was in a relationship with Busch beer, Jose Cuervo and the occasional bottle of cheap vodka - leaving me to handle everything. Now, husband number two has shown his true colors. I think I'm done with men. Not switching teams done, but no more serious, long term, cohabitational type relationships.
I'm taking some time off for me. Getting my head straight, my health back, spending time with the remaining males in my life on whom I can count: my son, one of my dogs and my new cat. Makes me sound like one of those weird, old maid type ladies, but I think it's for the best right now.
I'm back in touch with long lost friends who love me like family regardless of my failures and foibles. I'm rediscovering friendships that had lagged due to the controlling nature of my soon to be ex #2. I am feeling more and more and more like my old self. The me I was before I descended into this twenty something year long spiral of not being good to myself.
No wonder I've had so many disappointments - how can I be truly loved for all the right reasons, when I haven't even been able to love myself for all the right reasons.
And now I'm off to live happily ever after. Regardless.
And they aren't your failures... you were failed. The transformation has begun, and it's evident. It only gets better. You will only find that you like yourself more and more and finally see what those long lost friends have always seen... the wonderful person that is you.
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